Promise
by marmarpenn
Summary: Bellamy is the only one who understands, the only one who would have the courage to do what she did with Finn. That's why he needs to be the one to go after her. Bellarke. After season 2 episode 8. Reviews would be appreciated!


**After watching the midseason finale. I realize two things. My ship for Finn and Clarke has totally like dissolved into nothingness, and I am really really shipping Bellamy and Clarke. Like shipping them so hard….I've been reading fanfics about them. But I realize soon after than that reading fan fiction is not going to help. I need to write my own fan fiction on what I really, really want to happen… (Watch in like a month I'm going to be all disappointed and crap). I'm pretty proud of this fic and hope you enjoy! :)**

* * *

Raven screams out, and I find my hand on her shoulder. I try to shush her (I'm not sure if I was trying to be confronting-or if I just didn't want the grounders to find our misery entertaining). I want to tell her that things will be ok, that she'll be ok. But I know that's not true. My eyes find Octavia's who has tears running down her face. She's nibbling on her bottom lip, a stupid habit, that I guess she never had the chance to outgrow. I remember she's still a little kid, I guess, I forget sometimes. She's grown up in the past few months.

My eyes then find Clarke, she's dropped the knife her need's are shaking. As if she's going to clasp. My hand leaves Raven's shoulders for a second, I glance at Raven then back at Octavia. Octavia understands, she crouches down and starts talking to Raven in a low voice. Raven's wails had driven down to low whimpers as Octavia wraps an arm around her. Raven's head hits her shoulder as she still shakes.

She just watched the person she loved die. I just watched the person I loved stab the person she loved.

I'm not going to bullshit you, I have taken a liking to Clarke, a lot of liking. I did hate her at first, her and Finn, and Raven, and pretty much everyone who I ended up getting stuck with. The only person, I cared about was Octavia. Things changed-after having to work with them every single day on horrible problems that no teenager should face. My hatred turned into, annoyance, that turned into tolerance, and then everything turned into likeing.

Hell, I even liked Finn, he became my friend of sorts. Even when he went all wacko. The only person I can honestly confirm to hating that came down to Earth with me, is Murphy. But who the hell likes Murphy anyway.

I stand up, Clarke finds my eyes, as if knowing I was watching. I try to scream her name, but the initial shock still hasn't worn off. And my voice doesn't work.

She's off in a dead run.

Those knee's which I thought would give out any moment, were no carrying her fast and far. I never knew Clarke could even run that fast.

I immediately dart after her. I don't know why, I just do. It's like instinct. I know I have to after her, I have to stop her from being stupid. As much as I hate to admit it, I need Clarke.

"Clarke!" Octavia yells. Well at least her voice works, "Bellamy!"

Neither of us end up listening, Clarke pushes past everyone, no one dares to stop her. I push past everyone and soon we're both off running in a dead sprint.

I pant heavily, Clarke doesn't seem to be slowing down. Damn her.

"Clarke!" I scream.

Since when has she been able to run this fast?

I guess her devastation and trauma is giving her some sort of sudden energy boost. If I haven't forgotten she did just get hit over the head a few hours ago.

She's gaining more speed, if anything. She doesn't respond to me. It's dark, the dim firelight behind me from torches of both the Ark and Grounders are now far behind me. She's getting smaller and smaller, and soon I can't even see her.

"Clarke," I yell again.

It's no use, I'm going to search in the morning no doubt. But she's too fast right now-too confused. I need to give her space as much as it pains me. I turn back, the only thing guiding me is the fire light now. I actually end up running into a tree twice. Which hurts.

When I get back there's two people waiting for me at the edge of the open forest, the rest are setting up tents. Octavia and Murphy.

Who knew Murphy actually cared? Or perhaps he was just humored by all of this.

I know I'm being ridiculous, he saved my life once, I hate him. But he saved my life. So I tolerate him.

"Did you find her?" Octavia asks.

"No," I say simply, "I'm going tomorrow morning, to look for her. She won't go far, she's distraught not stupid."

"I'll go with you," Murphy says.

"WE don't really have to worry about grounders anymore Murphy," I say, "I'll be fine alone. Where's Raven?"

"Asleep-well sedated," says Octavia she's looking off into the distance.

I don't want to bring ti up so instead I ask, "How's Lincoln?"

"Fine," she states calmly.

"She's blaming herself," Murphy blurts, "She knows she did him a favor-but she's still blaming herself."

I glare at Murphy and am ready just to crack his scull against the nearest tree's when I hear Octavia say, "Yeah…I guess your right. But she had to do that-we can't be mad at Clarke. The grounders would have done much worse. Lincon confirmed that. What else was Clarke suppose to do…"

I nod, "Raven-"

"I think it's best we keep her away from Clarke," Octavia says quietly, "Raven will kill Clarke, no doubt."

"Get some sleep," I tell the two.

Murphy raises an eyebrow, "How about taking your own advice big guy."

I nod and the three of us find the tent. I see Raven fast asleep inside her swollen tear streaked face, still troubled in her slumber.

"I don't think I can sleep," Octavia murmurs as she lays down in her sleeping bag beside me, "Finn may have screwed up major those past few weeks. But he's saved all our asses dozens of times…He just can't be gone. I watched him die-"

"Shh," I tell her, "Octavia stop saying things like that. Just don't think about Finn right now…ok."

She doesn't respond she seems annoyed as she rolls over her back towards me, because she knows that I just don't want to talk about it.

I wake up in the morning early, and start packing things. Food for a few days. A tent, a sleeping bag. I mean I know Clarke's pretty damn distraught right now. I couldn't even understand how distraught. But how stupid was she. How far would she seriously run?

Hopefully she's kept running in the same direction I went last night.

I shake my head and sigh.

Where the hell would have Clarke gone?

It's a damn big place, a damn big Earth. Hopefully

"Are you sure you don't want help looking," Murphy asks, "We can cover more ground if multiple people go."

I'm a little surprised he's doing this? Didn't he hate Clarke…No I remember Clarke's saved his life before. Twice actually when I wanted to kill him, or when I wanted to throw him out of our camp to fend for himself. And even for that-even he has grown up. We all have.

"No," I say, "I need to do this alone."

"Why," Octavia snaps her tone irrationally harsher than usual. I see even Lincoln a pretty big guy I may say. Flinch beside her even, "You and Clarke never even got along?"

"He loves her," Raven says her voice holds no emotion. And I had no idea she was even awake, "And he understands her. None of us would have actually stabbed Finn. Not even damn pshsyopathic Murphy. You would have Bellamy. Don't lie."

I'm silent for a few moments and I stop packing my things, "Your right," I say, "I know you all didn't want Finn to get tortured-but none of you would have stabbed him. Me and Clarke-we know sacrifices we have to make…"

Everyone goes quiet. I don't even ask permission from the chancler or anything. As angry as she should be for me going out after Clarke. She probably knows it's a given that at least one of us will chase after her. And who's she to stop us, from going after her daughter-when she has to stay behind and be leader.

Bitch. She sends her own daughter down to die on Earth.

I shake my head as I look at the edge of the forest.

"Be careful," Octavia says hugging me tight and kissing my cheek.

I didn't like leaving her, I never like leaving her. But Clarke needs me right now, Octavia-Octavia is perfectly fine. Perfectly grown up. God she's so grown up.

"Ever known me not to be?" I try to joke. She tries to smile, but it looks pained.

Murphy gives me a nod, and I nod back. Because we're real civil men.

The last person who says goodbye is Raven, she ends up awkwardly hugging me and whispering in my ear, "I understand why she did it. So bring her the hell back, before she does something stupid," I nod and grip her shoulder.

"Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone," I point out.

She snorts and rolls her eyes, and I can't help but smile, because I see a little bit of the old Raven in that glimpse.

Then I set off into the woods.

It takes me literally five hours skewering the forest. For the first five minutes. I decide to call out her name. Than realize that's stupid because A. she won't respond and B. She'll most likely just run away again. So I just walk, remembering what little tracking skills I've learned the past few months while being down on this wretched Earth. I see her footprints. Old wore down awkwardly shaped tennis shoe footprints that could only belong to one of us. They were too manmade looking to be a Grounder's footprint.

I follow it until I find a large rock, about seven feet tall and easy to climb. Who's sitting on top of it peering over the forest like some sort of queen or something. Clarke.

She notices me, and for a second I think she's going to leap straight off the rock and runaway again but instead she's firmly sitting there staring off into the forest. I stop dead in my tracks standing there.

"So what," I say after five minutes of staring, "Are you going to sit on that rock forever princess?"

"You haven't called me that in awhile," she comments dryly. Her voice dry. She hasn't looked like she's been crying. She looks like she would any normal day. A mixture of mud, leaves, blood and twigs covering her body. Except there's this haunted look in her eyes, "Well are you just going to stand there ands tare at me like some sort of Stalker, or are you going to come up here."

"And sit with you on a damn rock," I say raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," she says turning to look at me with a heated glare, "And sit with me on the damn rock."

I drop my pack down and climb up. She's stopped looking at me and once again is looking out into the forest sitting criss crossed as still as a statue.

"What exactly are we looking at," I ask.

"A forest," she states.

Leave it to Clarke to be a sudden smart ass.

But I know that's not all the look nin her eyes the damn haunted and scared look, scares the shit out of me. I remember when we first me. She was telling me not to open a damn door, with such determination and attuide. I almost didn't open he door. She can be a pretty scary girl. I use to hate her, I use to want her dead. Because she was the little princess the one who would get the breaks. The privileged one. But now, as the months go on, I realize she may have just had it the hardest. Her mother betraying her father. Her father trying to be a hero and him getting floated. In the end she tried to be a hero, but that only got her thrown in Jail. Which well in the end got her thrown on Earth to die, but her own mother.

"Why'd you run off?" I ask.

"You know why," she says. She doesn't even flinch her gaze is set into the forest as if she was looking for something that isn't there, "I killed Finn. I loved Finn, and I killed him."

"IF it make you feel any better," I say, "I think the grounders killed Finn. I mean-you may have stabbed him and all-" Clarke actually flinches now-, "But you saved him technically. His death would have been ten times worse if it weren't for you."

"He told me he was scared, " she says, "And I freaking stab him, I'm a monster."

"Your being stupid," I say.

"I'm no better than my mom. She killed my dad, did you know that?"

"No," I state, "Well my father-tried tow worn everyone the Ark was dying. What did she do-she got him floated. I hate her."

"Don't say that…"

"I do," she snaps, "I try not to. I love her so much. I really do. But I also hate her more than anything. She should be the dead one. Like I should be the dead one."

"I would have killed you," I say before I can stop myself, "If it was you up there."

Clarke turns and studies me for a moment, "Good. IF that was suppose to make me feel better though, it didn't."

"What are you doing?"

"What are you asking?" she retorts in her usual tone she than turns away from me again. God she was being so frustrating. I was suppose to be helping her? And all she was doing was making it difficult for me.

"God damnit Clarke!" I scream, "What the hell is wrong with you!"

Clarke looks at me and suddenly I see the tears well up in her eyes.

"Clarke-" I start.

"I don't know what I'm doing," she says evenly, "And I don't know what's wrong with me. There's your answers."

I sigh, "No one blames you-"

"Bullshit," Clarke says, "Someone has to blame me-you can't speak for everyone Bellamy. Someone has to think what I did was wrong."

"Raven doesn't blame you," I say, "IF that's what your wondering."

"She should," Clarke says, "She may not blame me. But I know for a fact she wishes it were me dead. Everyone wishes it was me dead. Not Finn-I was the cause of the mess. He killed those people to find me. Love is stupid."

"I don't wish it was you Clarke," I say my voice is in a hushed tone, "I will never wish it was you."

Clarke turns towards me and burst's into tears, full on tears now, like sobbing tears. At first I watch her-I don't even know how to comfort people? That's bullshit, I've comforted Octavia. What would you do if it was Octavia.

But this isn't Octavia, it's Clarke.

I hadn't even realized I'd wrapped both my arms around her. At first her hands rest at my chest not responding to by hug as she shakes with sobs. But then her arms wrap around me and her head is buried in my chest. My face ends up getting buried in her hair… IT smells like Lemons….how the hell does it smell like lemons. I ignore the senseless question and just breathe in because it's nice.

"I would have done the same thing," I say, "I understand."

I do, she knows I do, I've killed people before. She knows that.

Raven was right, I do love her…and I do understand her.

And I understand that this is never going to go away. Clarke's going to always have this feeling of guilt…but I'll always be there to pick her up.

"I promise," I mutter.

She doesn't know what I'm talking about, I don't think she even hears me. But that's ok, because that promise means just as much to me.

* * *

Reviews would be just Brilliant!


End file.
